Sunday, June 30, 2013
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Thursday, May 23, 2013
DICTAPHONE
DICTAPHONE
A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks, "May I use your dictaphone?"
He replies, "No. Use your finger like everyone else."
A secretary goes into her boss' office and asks, "May I use your dictaphone?"
He replies, "No. Use your finger like everyone else."
THE BOSS
THE BOSS
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, ''How much is the yellow one?''
The assistant says, ''$2000.'' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, ''This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.''
''What about the green one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.''
''What about the red one?'' the man asks.
The assistant says, ''That one's $10,000.''
The man says, ''What does HE do?''
The assistant says, ''I don't know, but the other two call him boss.''
DAVID BECKHAM
DAVID BECKHAM
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
What's the difference between David Beckham and an airplane model kit?
One's a glueless kit and the other's a clueless git!
BIRD BRAINED
BIRD BRAINED
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.
"Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag"
The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick.
He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!"
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head.
"Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..."
A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.'
Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.
"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot''s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean''s mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin'' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.'
Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin'' hengliding..."
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go to the bird section and Sean says to Paddy; "Dat''s Dem". The shopkeeper comes over and asks if he can help.
"Yeah, we''ll take four of dem dere budgies in dat cage op dere", says Mick, "Put dem in a pepper bag"
The shopkeeper does as asked and the two pay for the birds and leave. They get into Mick''s van and drive until they reach a cliff with a 500ft drop.
"Dis looks loike a grand place", says Mick.
He then takes the two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.
Paddy watches as his friend drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a loud "Splat!"
As Paddy looks over the edge of the cliff he shakes his head.
"Focket Dat," Paddy says, "dis budgie jumpin'' is too dangerous for me..."
A few minutes later, Seamus approaches. He too has been to the pet shop and is carrying the familiar 'pepper bag.'
Seamus pulls a parrot out of the bag and Paddy notices that in the other hand Seamus is carrying a gun.
"Watch this Paddy" he says, as he launches himself over the edge of the cliff.
Paddy watches as half way down Seamus takes the gun and blows the parrot''s head off. Seamus continues to plummet until he joins Sean''s mashed remains at the bottom of the cliff.
Paddy shakes his head and says, "An oim never troyin'' that parrotshooting oider..."
After a few minutes, Danny strolls up. He too has been to the pet shop and walks up with his 'pepper bag.'
Danny pulls a chicken out of the bag. He puts the chicken above his head, holds its legs and launches himself off the cliff with the same result.
Once more Paddy shakes his head.
"For me life Danny, first der was Sean wit his budgie jumpin, den Seamus parrotshooting and now you fockin'' hengliding..."
JONNY HUMPER HARDER
JONNY HUMPER HARDER
There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder.
Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie.
The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookIes. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry,'' JONNY HUMPER HARDER''!!! Little Jonny yells,'' I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!!'''
There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder.
Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie.
The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookIes. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry,'' JONNY HUMPER HARDER''!!! Little Jonny yells,'' I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!!!'''
BEAVER
BEAVER
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”
Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”
BIRDS OF PARADISE
BIRDS OF PARADISE
Yo mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
Yo mama so fat, when she was a baby, she took a bath with a rubber albatross.
OSU
OSU
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now...
An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now...
CROSS THE ROAD... FORGETFUL CHICKEN
Q: Why did the forgetful chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Finding Hard To Recall Your Dreams? Now Simply Record Them!
Wouldn’t it be nice if someone could record your dreams, your fantasies and superb ideas that strike your sub-conscious mind? Your wish would soon be fulfilled. According to a new research, we can now record our dreams and thoughts that come in our sub-conscious mind. Scientists believe that development in this technology would allow us to read others’ thoughts too.
Three (3) researchers from university of California, Berkeley participated in this experiment. They entered a functional MRI (Magnetic Resource Imaging) system. These three subjects were made to watch two different Hollywood movies trailers while the machine recorded their blood flow through the brain’s visual cortex, the part of the brain that process visual information.
The readings of the machine were fed as input to a computer program which converted these readings into three-dimensional volumetric pixels called voxels. The brain signals generated by moving pictures are decoded by this process. In this experiment, a computer program was made that learnt the association of brain activity with the visual patterns in the movie while the subjects watched the first set of clips. Then the other set of clips tested the movie reconstruction algorithm. This computer program was made to analyze 18 million seconds of random YouTube videos. Thus a huge database was created for the potential brain activity. From this huge database, the computer program selected the one hundred clips that were almost similar to the ones watched by the subjects.
This computer program mimics our brain. When we see a yellow flower, our brain tries to match this yellow color with the different shades of yellow color available in our memory. Similarly this computer program compares the brain reactions with the huge database of 18- million-second videos and picks up the clips that are most similar to the brain reactions. These clips are then merged into a video. This new video is almost similar to the original video clip that the subjects watched. Thus, bigger the database of videos repositories and higher the computing power, the better would be the results
This experiment is being considered as a major break-through in the history of computer science and biology. The neuroscientist Jack Gallant rightly stated “We are opening a window into the movies in our minds." Scientists are also speculating that in coming decades, we would even be able to read each other’s minds.
[SOURCE: theatlantic]
Friday, March 29, 2013
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Saturday, February 23, 2013
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